The Power of Obscurity

Over the course of my tennis career there have been times when I was so focused on getting to that top place, the place where I had the attention, I had arrived. I think everyone in some form or another wants the end without the middle. I can remember when I started teaching tennis and wanting it to be a world renowned tennis academy and I did what I could to push for that. What I didn't realize is while the vision is good to have, there is a process. We always tried to act like we were great, but never seemed to get the recognition. The more I pushed, the more I wanted out. The more we became less. 

Over the past five years I discovered something that is not new, but it became a reality to me. The power of obscurity. It is okay to have a small beginning, it is okay to not be known by everyone. Sometimes, if you were known by everyone you wouldn't be ready to handle what that responsibility brings. The key is not to despise the small beginning. Quietly go about your business, being your best and like a magnet people will notice you. 

It is the way we teach our kids to play tennis. They quietly learn how to look good, be friends with the ball, enjoy the feel of the ball on the strings. Over time they develop their skills. When they are ready they may want to play in some junior team tennis or a beginner tournament, not to win, but for the opportunity to play with other kids. 

The key is not to rush your gifts. Stay in obscurity until one day someone notices it. It is okay to be behind the scenes. It is okay to grow your learning. One day when you least expect it you will be the center of attention. People will want what you have. In the mean time, enjoy the secret place of obscurity. Develop the skills, the mindset, the love. Enjoy obscurity.

Be the Connector

One of my most favorite things to do is to be the connector for a supernatural connection.  I am always on the look out for helping others who may have been where I was when I was starting out. If I can connect them with that one person that might push them years ahead, man that is so cool to watch. I love trying to pay it forward. That to me is the greatest feeling. If I can make someone's life easier or better, than we have lived our purpose for the day. Ten and Under Tennis lessons is all about giving. We give instruction, yes. We also teach our students how to teach their friends, their parents, or maybe for a project at school. We believe the best way to learn a concept is to teach it to someone else. When you do that you are more focused and often times you work through the concept together. A great example of this is our Parent and Me class. What is so amazing is, after I have modeled, the parents and child end up teaching or cuing each other. They are in the moment together. After every lesson they are asked what they like most about the lesson. I know they love the learning, the immediate success, but what most of the kids and parents reply is,"I got to spend time with my mom, my child, or be around my friends."  They were actively engaged, in the moment, and succeeding. What happened? Learning took place and it was fun. Learning can be fun.Giving can be fun. That is one of our favorite things to do, give. Another way we give is by giving  free private lessons for any referral. That is our thank you to the parents who provide for their kids and families. That is our thank you for helping to support our mission. So go make connections, you never know the impact that you could have.

Coopetition

One of the elements I have noticed over the years from observing tennis to children is the incorporation of competition through elimination. There is a winner and a loser. If you miss, you sit out. If you lose than you pick up balls, you do push-ups, you run a suicide. What are we teaching our kids? We are teaching them failure is bad. We are teaching them a mindset of duality. This or that. We are teaching them that picking up balls is a punishment and fitness is a punishment. I always thought picking up balls was something everyone did as a part of the group? It was a way for everyone to work together. It is a form of group work. Exercise is not punishment. It is a means to keep us healthy, pliable, and sane.  One of the ways I have used fitness movements to help kids who are off task, have a bad attitude, or disrespectful is to word it in such a way as,"It looks as if you need to burn off some energy to get a little more focused? Why don't you step out and work on your explosiveness by performing burpees for two minutes. Do as many as you can, take a 30 sec break and see what you can do again?"I saw this word "Coopetition" and I want to learn more about what the authors have to say because this defines everything we teach at Ten and Under Tennis Lessons. What I am trying to do is to get the student to focus on their performance. Usually this step out will get them back on track. The key was in my wording. I wanted to focus on what his performance can do for him, not whether or not his performance is causing him to be bad.

The biggest thing I see with competition is that really it is not about winning and losing. How many great sports stars have never won a professional championship? Too many. What they did have was they were able to excel in an area that gave them a platform. They were able to excel in an area that provided for their family and maybe many others as well.  It seems to me, that is a winning situation. When we teach our students to compete, we are teaching them to be friends with the ball. We teach our students to focus on how many times they can get the ball back before they have to start over. We teach our students how they can give each other a great challenge to try to keep the ball in play. The truth of the matter is, winning is about oneness. Are you at one with your activity? Are you calm and peaceful and dedicating to doing what you can that day? If you do, you are winning. I really see a shift coming in sports in the near future. The day is coming when we will start emphasizing total points won instead of who won the match. We will emphasize a tie more than the win or loss.  The focus should not be on the duality, but the oneness. The moment. How can your being out their give you a platform for a cause or provide for your family? For kids, the moment should be not on I won or lost, but look how many times we hit the ball in a row? Look how many times I served the ball in? Look how many times it did my loop forehand or backhand and it went in? Did you see all that topspin on the ball? Awareness to the little things. This is same attitude applies to the high performance player as the recreational player. If I would have been able to adopt this attitude as a college player, I would have enjoyed myself so much more. I would have played better, instead of playing tight like I was in a win/lose situation. Today, I am fighting that battle and working on the process of understanding how to change that duality thinking into understanding that I am really working with the person by trying to make each of us better. It is not the result that matters, but the growth that comes from it.

It's in the Process

Should tennis coaches stress results or the process? Often times I watch tennis classes and I see a results oriented program. One that focuses on winning, competition, and elimination. I went through this very style of tennis when I first started learning. As a matter of fact this formula is how I learned much of any sport or activity in school or extra curricular activity. According to recent research, teaching children using a results based approach where they have to focus on winning and elimination games is really teaching students about failure.  Now, I know failure is an important life event, it is something that we must all learn to overcome. But how many of us quit a sport or activity after a while because we just couldn't do it?

We use a different approach at ten and under tennis lessons. We focus on the process and setting learning goals. For example, we take our students through a process or progression of steps for a particular stroke or skill. We always like to offer feedback of what the student is doing well and remind them to make their finish look good. We always focus on the finish of the stroke because that gives our students an ending point, a target of where they want their racket and body position to be. Through the process we can often see certain students excel at different levels. If some students are excelling at a particular progression, sometimes we have them add in another movement to challenge them more. We are always looking for ways to challenge their learning goals. It is very important that our students are enjoying the process of learning because this will lead to them playing more tennis outside of the tennis lesson. 

Fun does not exist?

What is FUN?  Does FUN really exist? Can you hold FUN? Now let me be clear, I am not saying tennis or any activity we do should not be fun. The key is understanding what fun is. According to Mike Barrell (2006) "Fun is always made up of other things."  Fun is not something you can hold, wear, or even see. Rather, fun is really a mindset that occurs when one is truly in the moment. Think about the last time you went some place or participated in an event that was FUN. Why was it fun? 

Think about that special family vacation you go on every summer. You know, the week long trip where you go to a special campsite or destination. You always like to look and see what is new, but deep down one reason you keep going back is because you will be doing the same things you did last year. Then you think about all the smells that come to mind when you step out. Your mind takes you back to a simpler time. The sites, the sounds, the smells, and maybe even some of the same people you have been seeing for a long time are always there. 

Identifying what makes things fun is so important because it keeps our attention (Barrell,2006). For children, fun is being active, learning something that interests them, being with friends, being creative, seeing their progress, and belonging. In this list I notice three key words. They are BEING, INTEREST, and SEEING.  All three of these have to do with active engagement, being in the present moment, allowing for time to just fly by.  You want to feel as if one hour has been ten minutes. This is the BEING, be present. When kids are present in something that INTERESTS them they get into the flow or the zone. The last key word is SEEING.  To be present in something that is interesting we have to pay attention. Pay attention to the task at hand, watching, taking in what is in the environment. Focus on the most important parts and leave the details out. When you start to recognized this I believe your child will be more instinctive, more aware, and have a greater enjoyment in their daily life.