I Can Handle This

So we started back with official tennis this week and although it is a small turnout, it is great to be back with our tennis family. Some of our families are just not ready to come back yet or they are going on vacation. Either way, I understand. This has been a challenge on our mental states. Adding to the fact that we went from 90 degrees to 110+ in such a short period of time. Usually we are able to acclimate over time, but not this year. The key though is to be able to download calm to our brain. Something I have been learning over the course of these past weeks is about the Conscious Discipline Brain State Model. I think that it can really help in our lessons as we help kids become successful. That is my job, to help them become successful. Their job is to help everyone be successful. 

There are three internal brain states we enter into and only one of them allows us to learn new skills. The three brain states are Survival State, Emotional State, and Executive State. When we are in one of these states, we are operating from a different part of the brain. 

The first state is the Survival State and when we enter here, we are operating from the brain stem. We are asking the question,"Am I safe?"  If the answer is no, then cortisol kicks in and we either, fight, flight, or freeze. We are going to do whatever we need to do to get back to safety. Sometimes the behavior creates the opposite result of what we want. During this state children (adults too) may punch, vandalize, kick, or run away just to feel safe again. In this state, learning cannot happen. Ever try to talk to a child during a tantrum? Communication is not going to happen and when you model that behavior with the same intensity, there becomes a power struggle. 

When we play tennis or learn tennis, there are some students who have a low frustration tolerance. When things start to unravel in a match they begin to throw their racket, water bottles, hit the ball at their opponent, or some other act that is careless. They are thinking unconsciously, trying to get back to a state of safety or control. They just lack the skills to get there. Matches often unravel.  So what we do as coaches or teachers, is teach them the skills in practice. Some tournaments allow for coaching, but most do not so the player is on their own. 

We teach a simple strategy of STAR Breathing. STAR is an acronym for STOP, TAKE a breath, AND RELAX.  The key word is the STOP, PAUSE. During the STOP, we actually hold our breath for one to two seconds. This actually helps reset the brain and chemical systems of our body. then we breath out one to three times from our stomach. When that is done we use a mantra,"I can handle this." or "I got this."  

My challenge to you is to try the STAR breath next time you feel like you are not safe and your internal world is falling apart. Your children will learn this skill every lesson to help them learn to have an internal control over themselves. They will fail from time to time, they won't be perfect, They will recognize their state though and begin making the adjustments. Then one day they will truly believe,"I can handle this."

Source (2018) Dr. Becky Bailey  www.consciousdiscipline.com